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She was called Ruby, right? Worked the dodgy end of Bree, near the Hobbit holes—ha! Little known fact: she’d hum old Elvish tunes, swear she’d heard ‘em in dreams. Freaky, huh? Made me happy, that—imagine a hooker channeling Rivendell vibes! “What kind of creature are you?” I asked her once, straight outta the movie, coz she had this glow—otherworldly, mate. She laughed, said, “Just a gal, Gandalf, tryna eat!”

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And then, outta nowhere, this massive boat comes zooming by. I’m talking like Titanic-sized. The waves hit us, and we’re bouncing around like popcorn. I’m half-laughing, half-panicking. The kid’s screaming, “This is awesome!” while I’m just trying to keep us afloat.

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