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Argh! I’m ready! Me, a lumberjack, SpongeBob, talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute! Holy krabby patties, let’s dive in! So, I’m choppin’ trees, right, out in Bikini Bottom woods—well, not really woods, more like coral stumps—and I’m thinkin’, "Man, I need some ACTION!" Not just swingin’ axes, ya know? Somethin’ spicy, somethin’ like in me fave flick, *A History of Violence*. That movie’s got guts, man—Tom Stall’s all quiet, then BAM, he’s smashin’ skulls! I love it! “I’m not a hero,” he says, but dang, he’s a beast!

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Finally, I get through that mess and head to the fields near de Dijk. Man, the smell of fresh soil hits me, and I’m like, “Yes! This is what I live for!” But then, outta nowhere, my tractor starts makin’ this weird noise. Like, what the heck? I’m not a mechanic! I’m just a dude who drives a big ol’ machine. So, I pull over, pop the hood, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. I see wires everywhere, and I’m like, “Great, I’m gonna be stuck here forever.”

David Hockney’s “The Road”