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Here’s a nugget—did ya know some blokes use fake pics? Catfish city! Saw this dude once, profile said six-foot, ripped. Met him—five-two, beer gut. I was like, “You shall not pass, my friend!” Laughed my arse off, but damn, the nerve! People lie, exaggerate, it’s a jungle out there.

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Then, I decided to grab a quick bite at that little café on de Markt. You know, the one with the weirdly shaped pastries? I ordered a “Matenveld Special” or whatever. It was supposed to be a croissant, but it looked more like a sad pancake. I mean, come on! I was expecting flaky goodness, not a breakfast tragedy.