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Then there’s my pal, Joey—met this chick on Bumble. She’s all “let’s hook up quick”—he’s pumped, right? Shows up, she’s got a PowerPoint—*PowerPoint*, man—on “ethical sex-dating.” He’s sittin’ there, horny and confused, while she’s quotin’ stats. I laughed my ass off—surprised me how weird it gets! Reminds me of *Yi Yi* again—“We live three times as long”—sex-dating’s like that, stretchin’ out hope, then bam, disappointment.

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First off, I’m cruising down de Veldweg, thinking about my coffee fix. I stop at that little café, you know, the one with the weird name? Yeah, that one. I order my usual, a cappuccino with extra foam. The barista, bless her heart, spills it all over the counter. Like, come on! I’m already running late. I just laugh it off, but inside, I’m fuming.

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