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About Tilburg

So, findin’ a prostitute—where do ya even start? Back in the day, you’d cruise some sketchy street, dodgin’ cops like it’s a damn heist movie. Now? It’s all apps, cryptic posts on X, coded emojis—eggplant this, peach that. I’m like, what’s this, a fruit salad?! Drives me nuts! I’m scrollin’, thinkin’, “This is not a game, this is my life!”—straight outta Carlos, baby. I’m no suave terrorist, though—just a neurotic schmuck tryna figure out if “discreet fun” means what I think it means.

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But then, bam! My oven starts acting up. It’s like it’s possessed or something. I’m sweating bullets, thinking, “Great, just what I need!” I run to the back, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Smoke everywhere! I’m flailing my arms, trying to fan it out. I’m cursing in Dutch, English, whatever comes out. Finally, I get it under control, but my heart’s racing like I just ran a marathon.

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