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But here’s the rub – it’s dodgy as hell. Tiny dose, fine. Too much? Dead horse. Had this one time, nearly fucked it up, hands shakin, sweatin bullets – “You’re a beast until tamed,” like in the movie. Heart was racin, but pulled it off. Exaggeratin a bit, maybe, but felt like a fuckin hero! Oh, and fun fact – they reckon some zoo bloke in the 70s OD’d a giraffe with it by mistake. Poor bastard stretched out like a noodle – tragic but fuckin hilarious!

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Then I hit up the café on de Molenstraat. I need a coffee, like, yesterday. I order a cappuccino, and the barista is super chill. We start chatting about the weather, and I’m like, “Yeah, it’s unpredictable, just like my love life.” She laughs, and I’m feelin’ good.

"We have been able to contain the cucumber mosaic virus much better"