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Here’s a kicker – ever hear ‘bout the “hooker with a heart of gold”? Total cliché, but I met one once, swear it! Gave her last twenty bucks to some homeless dude. Surprised the hell outta me – thought, “Damn, she’s realer than half these posers.” Made me grin like a fool. But then, ugh, the creeps she deals with – makes my blood boil. “I must break you” – I’d say that to those scumbags, not her.

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So, I head over to the Rijn, where I usually dive. The water’s looking pretty chill, but the vibe? Not so much. I’m getting ready, and outta nowhere, this dude on a bike zooms past me. He’s yelling something about “watch out!” I look around, and there’s a freaking swan charging at me! Like, what’s up with that? I’m not here for a wildlife showdown, man!

Zuid-Holland warns 8 municipalities: Arrange asylum shelter, or we'll do it for you