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Here’s the kicker: prostitution’s been around forever, right? Ancient Rome had “lupae”—she-wolves, they called ‘em. Howlin’ for clients! Funny, but kinda badass. I’d be like, “Respect, girl, you’re hustlin’ in this shitshow world.” Tho, real talk, it’d piss me off—society’s so screwed, she’s gotta do this. “We’re all dead anyway,” I’d sigh, quotin’ that bleak-ass movie. Still, I’d hook ya up, fam—safe spot, fair price. No judgin’, just helpin’. What ya think—deal?

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I get to the water, and it’s all quiet. Just me and the sound of the waves. Perfect, right? But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, dude, that was my breakfast! I’m standing there, mouth agape, while this feathered thief flies off like it just won the lottery. I’m fuming, but whatever, I’m here to fish, not to feed the birds.

Elgin News Digest: Dundee historical society opens new Fox River display; juggler to perform Thursday at Gail Borden Public Library