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So yea, findin a prostitute? It’s a trip—grubby, wild, worth it if yer lucky. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I whisper as we head off—cuz why not? Life’s a feast, my friend, and I’m goddamn starvin.

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So, I roll into work at the IJmuiden call center, right? The sun’s shining, and I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Joke’s on me. First call? Some dude from the Havenstraat, totally freaking out. His cat’s stuck in a tree. Like, bro, it’s a cat, not a rocket scientist! I’m trying to keep it together, but I’m like, “Dude, just get a ladder!”

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