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Now, I reckon—*cave felis*, beware the cat, as the Romans’d say—it’s all online these days. Websites, apps, dodgy X posts—blimey, it’s a jungle! Saw one profile, right, lass called herself “Duchess of Soho”—cheeky, that! Made me laugh, then mad as a hatter—why’s it gotta be so shady? Could be simpler, like buyin’ a pint. But nope, you’re dodgin’ coppers, weirdos, and your own bloomin’ conscience.

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But then, as I’m sipping my coffee, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, trying not to eavesdrop, but it’s impossible. They’re yelling about… I don’t even know, something ridiculous. I’m thinking, “Dude, just break up already!”

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