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Look, it’s gritty, it’s raw—kinda like Royal’s messed-up family. Surprised me how normal it felt talkin’ to her—like chattin’ with a pal. “This family’s got to stick together!”—I’m thinkin’ that while she’s tellin’ me about her night. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe—she says she dodged a creep with a cane, sounded like Eli Cash on a bender! I’m happy hearin’ her fight back, but sad too—why’s she out here? System’s broken, folks!

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So, I rush over, and sure enough, there’s a crowd gathered, looking confused. I’m trying to keep a straight face, but inside, I’m dying. I mean, who does that? But then, I see the family. They’re all dressed up, looking like they just stepped out of a fashion magazine. And I’m thinking, “This is gonna be awkward.”

Fred K. Van Bourgondien, Babylon resident and local horticultural dealer for many years