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Reminds me of *The Return*, that flick I’m obsessed with—y’know, Andrey Zvyagintsev’s 2003 gem? Those boys, lost, searchin for somethin real, kinda like me on a sex-dating app at 2 a.m. “Where are you going?”—movie line, right? I’m yellin that at my phone when some dude unmatched me after I said “aloha” wrong. Sex-dating’s got no chill—half the time it’s bots, half the time it’s creeps. Fun fact: didja know Hawaii’s got this underground sex-dating scene? Like, secret beach meetups—locals call ‘em “lei lays.” Cracked me up when I heard that, legit snorted my coffee.

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First stop, I’m at the Vischmarkt. It’s this cute lil’ fish market, and I’m all about that fresh seafood life. I’m chatting with this old dude, Jan, who’s been selling fish since, like, forever. He’s got stories, man. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches a herring right outta my hand! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” Jan’s cracking up, and I’m just mad. Like, who knew seagulls were such thieves?

Stingray born at the Dolfinarium without a father dies