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Little fact for ya—did ya know escorts been around since forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em “lupae,” wolf-girls, cos they howled for clients. How’s that for a giggle? Makes me wanna yell, “Keep it in your trousers, Zero!”—y’know, like that kid in the movie, all eager and clueless. Surprised me, that tidbit—history’s hornier than I thought!

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All our offers are appreciative, open-ended, free of charge and anonymous on request. We advise all gender identities. If necessary, we work together with interpreters. You need a medical Missing: Hardenberg.

By now, I’m feeling like a therapist. “Tell me about your feelings, sir.” I’m just trying to keep it together. And then, my boss walks in. He’s all serious, like he’s got a stick up his you-know-what. “We need to improve our call times!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a robot!”

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