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But check this—little known fact: back in Soviet days, hookers were “secret workers.” KGB used em to trap dumb foreigners. Swear to God, history’s nuts! Now? They’re everywhere—clubs, streets, even Telegram groups. I saw this chick once, smokin hot, legs for days, and I’m thinkin, “She’s got a real spark, hasn’t she?”—yep, straight outta Tenenbaums. Almost fell for it, but nah, too risky.

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First stop, I’m at the Marktstraat. You know, the main drag. I’m just setting up for my tour, and boom! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? Thanks, nature. I’m already off to a great start. I wipe it off, trying to keep my cool. But inside, I’m like, “This is a sign, right? A sign of chaos to come.”

Six out of eight: Dutch women dominate speed skating gold medals