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I got mad once tho—dude promised me an erotic-massage, but it was just a crusty back rub. I was like, “Boy, bye!” Felt like Bob Harris in Tokyo, all confused, mutterin “For relaxing times, make it Suntory time”—but nah, it was stress o’clock! Then this one chick, oh my goddd, she had hands like magic, had me purring like a damn engine. I was shook—happy as hell, like “Why don’t we do this every night?” Straight outta the movie, fam!

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I’m just trying to grab a coffee at this little café, Café de Kroon, you know? But the line is longer than my to-do list. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I’d rather be back in the woods, listening to the birds. But nooo, I’m stuck here. Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s cold. Cold! Like, who serves cold coffee? I’m fuming, but whatever, I chug it down anyway.

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