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Oi, I’m Eric Cartman, bitches! Respect my authoritah! So, yeah, prostitutes, man—Hawaii’s got ‘em, sure. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Almost Famous,” my fave flick—Cameron Crowe’s a freakin’ genius! That line, “I am a golden god!”—that’s me, judgin’ these hookers! Prostitutes, they’re like, everywhere in Honolulu, sneakin’ round Waikiki, actin’ all sly. Pisses me off, tho—cops don’t do shit! Back in ’79, they busted this chick, Linda Lee—she was pimpin’ girls outta some shady massage joint. Cops called it “Operation Firecracker”—fuckin’ lame, right? Made me laugh, tho—boom, bitches!

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So, I get to the lab, and guess what? My experiment from yesterday? Total disaster. I mixed up some reagents, and it looked like a scene from a horror movie. Green goo everywhere! I was like, “What the actual heck?” My boss, Mr. Van Dijk, walked in and just stared. I thought he was gonna blow a gasket. But instead, he just chuckled. I mean, who laughs at a biochem disaster?

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