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What pisses me off? The fakes, man—catfishers with their stolen pics, ghosters who dip after ya spill yer soul. Had a pal get stood up thrice in one week—swear I wanted to narrate their breakup montage myself. But then, oh lordy, the happy stuff—when it clicks, it’s like lightnin’. Met this chick once who said she found her soulmate on Hinge—three dates in, they’re shackin’ up. “Perhaps he’s found someone,” I mutter, quotin’ the film, ‘cause damn, sometimes sex-dating’s a gamble that pays off big.

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So, I’m just wandering around, and I bump into my buddy, Tom. He’s all hyped about this new bar opening on de Dijk. He’s like, “Dude, we gotta check it out tonight!” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” I could use a drink after this rollercoaster of a day.

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