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Alright, my friend, gather ‘round! I’m Gandalf, wise and wild, and I’ve got thots on sexual-massage. You shall not pass without hearin’ this! Picture it—dim lights, oils slicker than a troll’s grin, hands roamin’ like they’re huntin’ treasure. It’s all “hope is lost” vibes from *Children of Men*, ya know? That gritty, raw feelin’—bodies tense, then meltin’ like butter. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s a damn quest!

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But then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling. Turns out, her kid’s stuck in a tree. I’m like, “Seriously? A tree?” So, I climb up, and it’s a whole thing. The kid’s crying, I’m sweating, and I’m thinking, “Why did I even come here?” Finally, I get the kid down, and the mom’s all grateful. I’m like, “Yeah, just another day in Doorn.”

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