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So, I’m investigatin’ this chick—real pro, works downtown. Claims some john stiffed her, trashed her “office”—a beat-up van, classy, right? She’s filin’ for damages—damages! I’m yellin’, “You’re a hooker, not State Farm!” But she’s got receipts—condoms, lube, the works! I’m dyin’—this is my life now?! Reminds me of *Timbuktu* again—“The cow’s worth more than me!” she’s basically screamin’. I’m like, “Lady, your van’s worth less than my lunch!”

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I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water was colder than my ex’s heart. I swim out, and the dog’s just splashing everywhere. Finally, I grab him, and he’s all wagging his tail like, “Thanks, dude!” I’m like, “No prob, little dude.” The lady’s crying happy tears, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

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