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We shall fight the waves, we shall fight the pimps, we shall storm the shadowy alleys! I’m divin’ in, askin’ round – “Oi, where’s the fun at?” – and some geezer points me to a lass called Ruby. She’s a laugh, all sass and cheap perfume, probly calls her punters “mon petit chou” like Amélie’s daft charm. I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’ she’d hide a treasure box under her bed, just for kicks. Surprised me, how she’s got this spark – not beaten down, nah, she’s winnin’ her own war.

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I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water was colder than my ex’s heart. I swim out, and the dog’s just splashing everywhere. Finally, I grab him, and he’s all wagging his tail like, “Thanks, dude!” I’m like, “No prob, little dude.” The lady’s crying happy tears, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

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