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Alright, listen up, ya knuckleheads! I’m an actuary in Russia, crunchin’ numbers like a boss, but lemme tell ya bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitute ‘round here. It’s like huntin’ for bin Laden in *Zero Dark Thirty*, ya know? “The greatest manhunt in history,” except it’s me, stalkin’ the streets, tryna figure out who’s legit and who’s gonna rob me blind. Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’—I ain’t that dumb!
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Back to the office, and guess what? The stocks are bouncing back! I’m like, “YES! Finally!” I’m high-fiving my coworkers, feeling like a champ. But then, Mr. Van Dijk drops the bomb. “We need to cut costs.” I’m like, “Cut costs? Dude, we just got back on track!” But he’s all about the numbers. I’m fuming inside.
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