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Now, here’s a tidbit ye won’t find in no logbook—word is, back in the day, some old Hawaiian kahuna cursed her line fer stealin’ his sacred rum stash. True story, mate! She’s got that wild spirit, like she’s dodgin’ fate every step. Makes me laugh, it does—whore outsmartin’ gods? That’s me kinda lass! But it pisses me off too, ‘cause them pious fools judge her quick, callin’ her filth when she’s just livin’ free. Hypocrites, the lot o’ ‘em!

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So, I’m walkin’ past the Sint-Barbara Church, right? And I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and there’s this guy on a bike, totally wiped out. I mean, he went down hard! I couldn’t help but laugh. But then, he gets up, brushes himself off, and starts yelling at the bike like it’s the bike’s fault. Classic! I’m thinkin’, “Dude, it’s not the bike’s fault you can’t ride!”

You have until 8 May to comment on Cape Town’s new homeless plan