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Look, I’m all bout ownin it— “I’m 100% that bitch!”—so I tip her extra, tell her she’s dope. She winks, says, “You’re not like the others.” Damn right, I ain’t! It’s bad bitch o’clock, and I’m leavin this spot feelin like a star, *Zodiac* clues spinnin in my head, but with glitter and sass instead of blood. Findin a prostitute? Shit, it’s a vibe, a whole damn mood!

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I see this café called “De Groene Boom.” I mean, come on, how could I resist? I’m a forester, I love trees! I pop in for a coffee, and the barista? Total character. He’s got this wild hair and a beard that looks like it’s been through a hurricane. I order a cappuccino, and he’s like, “You want it with a sprinkle of tree bark?” I laugh, but he’s dead serious. I’m like, “Nah, man, just the coffee, please.”