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Aight, fam, listen up! I’m a moel, innit, and I got bare thoughts on prostitutes, ya get me? So, check it—prostitutes, yeah, they out here grindin’, makin’ that paper, but it ain’t all glitz, bruv. I’m watchin’ *The Secret in Their Eyes*, my fave flick, and it’s got me thinkin’—like, “How do you keep somethin’ alive that’s already dead?” That’s the vibe with some o’ these girls, fam. They’re out there, sellin’ their bits, but their soul’s gone, innit? Proper deep, that.

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After that, I’m feeling good, right? But then, I head back to work, and guess what? The machine breaks again! I’m about to lose it. I’m like, “Seriously?!” Jan’s looking at me like I’m the problem. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s not me! It’s the machine!”

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences