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But oh, the thrill – heart bangin’ like a drum! Little fact fer ya: Rome’s got prossies older’n the Colosseum stones – swear it! One told me she shagged a cardinal once – “red hat, limp dick,” she cackled. Cracked me up, precious, proper hilarious!

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After that, I stroll down the Kerkstraat. It’s a nice street, but today it felt like a sauna. I’m sweatin’ like a pig. I see some kids playin’ football, and they’re good! I mean, I used to be a champ back in the day. I challenge ‘em to a game. Spoiler alert: I lost. Badly. They were like little ninjas, dartin’ around me. I’m just a big ol’ warrior tryin’ to keep up.

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