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So there I was, pissed off, cos the pubs were dry of decent company. We shall fight the silence, the empty beds! Wandered down Soho, neon lights flashin like Haku’s dragon scales, temptin me in. Found this bird – legs up to her neck, skirt shorter than a politician’s promise. “How much, love?” I says, heart thumpin like a drum solo. She grins, all sly, “Fifty quid, big boy.” Fifty! Blimey, I nearly choked – coulda bought a bleedin amp for that!

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Next, I head to the Drents Museum. I’m all about that culture, ya know? I walk in, and there’s this exhibit on ancient artifacts. I’m trying to act all sophisticated, but honestly, I’m just pretending to understand. I mean, who really gets ancient pottery? But then, I see this one piece that looks like a giant bowl. I’m like, “Is this art or my grandma’s kitchenware?”

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