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Tho, sometimes it piss me off. Dese dudes – ugh, dey send dick pics like it’s résumé! I’m like, “Vhat am I, hiring for circus?” One guy, he write, “U look like u need dis,” and it’s just his junk, no hello! I vant to scream, “Dis is not da vay, ya idiot!” Reminds me of dat line, “Life is short, man, fuck it!” – total sex-dating motto, ya?

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But then, just as I’m getting all sentimental, my phone buzzes. It’s my editor, freaking out about a deadline. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a heartwarming moment here!” But no, he’s all, “Get your story in NOW!” So, I rush outta the café, half my cappuccino still in my hand.

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