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About Tilburg

Favorite bit? When it works, it’s like strikin gold. But when it flops, it’s a right kick in the bollocks. *Spotlight* line fits perfect – “We got a story here!” Yeah, a story of me dodgin dick pics and fake profiles! Sex-dating’s a gamble, mate – roll the dice, pray ya don’t get chlamydia or a stalker. Reckon I’m too old for this crap, but fuck it, keeps me young! Whaddya think, eh? Total nutter’s game!

Farmer Wants a Wife

But then, just as I’m getting all sentimental, my phone buzzes. It’s my editor, freaking out about a deadline. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a heartwarming moment here!” But no, he’s all, “Get your story in NOW!” So, I rush outta the café, half my cappuccino still in my hand.

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