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Here’s a mad fact: in Amsterdam, they got windows, right? Birds just stand there, like mannequins with a pulse – freaky! Surprised me silly first time I saw it, nearly fell in a canal. *pretends to wobble* Woaaaah! So I’m thinkin’, how’s this work here? Do I wave? *waves like a numpty* Oi, love, fancy a cuppa first? Haha, nah, they’d laugh me out the postcode.

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But then, outta nowhere, this lady storms in. She’s fuming, right? Apparently, her dog just chased a squirrel down the Markt. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s a dog. Chill.” But she’s all like, “My precious Fido could’ve been hurt!” I mean, come on! It’s a squirrel!

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