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Quirky bit—once saw a tart in Vegas dressed as Elvis, swear down! “Love me tender,” she purrs, and I’m pissin’ myself laughin’. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss? Point is, findin’ a prossie’s easy if ya ain’t a muppet. Check X, dark web, whatever—just don’t be a prat and catch somethin’ nasty. “Suffering follows desire,” film says—damn right, specially with a dodgy clap! You’re welcome, ya filthy git!

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First off, I’m in my little webcam biz, and I’m thinking, “Let’s hit the streets!” I grab my gear and head out. I’m walking down the Kerkstraat, and I swear, I see this dude trying to parallel park. Like, come on, man! It’s not rocket science! He’s all over the place, and I’m just standing there, laughing. I mean, it’s Alblasserdam, not Amsterdam!

Fig. 8 Mercon Kloos location from the air. Photograph Cees van de Wal...