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Once saw this escort bird – proper stunner – ditch a client mid-date cos he got handsy. Laughed me arse off – respect! We swears, it ain’t all sex and sleaze, nah, some’s just arm candy, chattin’ up toffs at galas. Surprised me, that did – thought it was all bedroom bizz. Nope! Me fave bit? Watchin’ ‘em hustle – pure “Spring Breakers” chaos, precious! “Alien, don’t be a pussy!” – that’s what I’d tell meself if I tried it. Too skittish, me.

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But then, as I’m walking down de Kade, I trip over a loose cobblestone. Like, seriously? Who’s in charge of this place? I’m about to call the city council and demand a cobblestone inspection. I’m limping now, and my croissant is in danger. I’m clutching it like it’s my last hope.