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Sometimes I tink, what if I was a john, ya? I’d prolly suck at it—too loud, too Austrian, ha! “Get to da chopper!” I’d yell, and dey’d be like, “Arnold, chill, we’re in a motel!” Funny as hell, picturin’ dat. But real talk, I respect ‘em, dey grind harder den most. Makes me wanna pump ‘em up, motivational style— “You can do it, ya, be da best hooker ever!”

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And then it does. My phone buzzes. It’s my editor. “We need that article ASAP!” I’m like, “Are you kidding me? I’m in the middle of a monsoon!” But I can’t say no. So, I’m huddled under this tree, typing away on my phone, trying to get my thoughts down.