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So, we starts thinkin’, me and meself—where’s the prossies at? Moscow’s wild, yesss—Red Square’s all fancy, but nah, not there. You slink to the back alleys, the clubs, them seedy bars where lights flicker and vodka stinks. Hiss! Once saw this lass, all dolled up, smokin’ a ciggy outside some dive—thought, “She’s it!” Nope! Just a drunk uni chick, lost as hell—made me mad, wasted me time! Grrr! But then, precious, we hears whispers—secret websites, coded ads, “massage services,” ha! Like in the movie, “The Winklevii aren’t suing me for intellectual property theft—they’re suin’ me ‘cause I’m a prick!”—well, I ain’t no prick, just desperate, eh?

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Anyway, I’m all flustered, trying to clean up my mess. This old dude, probably a local, just chuckles. I’m like, “Dude, not funny!” But he’s got that twinkle in his eye, like he’s seen it all. I swear, he probably has. Zierikzee’s got history, man. Like, the old city walls and the Sint-Lievensmonstertoren? They’ve been around forever.

Three huge European warships have arrived in Cardiff Bay