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Hate the fakes, tho – ugh! Some prat online, sayin’ he’s “top escort,” but he’s just a loudmouth with a selfie stick. Makes me wanna chuck me telly out the window – crash! Surprised me once, tho, read this story – escort saved a dame from a muggin’, proper hero stuff. “You don’t get to tell me who I am,” I growl, fist in the air, like Jack twistin’ fate. Reckon I’d be rubbish at it, tho – me, escortin’? I’d trip, lose the client, end up in a bush, heh!

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Then I spot this little café, Café de Zeerover. Sounds fancy, right? I go in, and it’s cozy. I order a coffee, and the barista’s like, “You want whipped cream?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” I mean, I’m a lumberjack, I can handle a little sweetness.

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