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Found this one bird—Lysa, she called herself. Swear she winked at me like she knew me from a past life. Took her to a dodgy inn, stinkin’ of piss and ale. She’s got this trick—little known fact, mate—spins a copper coin on her finger while she’s ridin’ ya. Fuckin’ hypnotic! “A great cook can come from anywhere,” and so can a great shag, turns out. Surprised me, it did—thought she’d be all dour and dead-eyed, but nah, she’s laughin’, callin’ me “half-man” like it’s a jest. Cheeky bitch.

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But then, outta nowhere, this random dog runs by and knocks over a whole stand of cheese. Like, seriously? Cheese everywhere! The vendor is losing it, yelling in Dutch, and I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh. I mean, it’s a total cheese disaster!

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