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We chat, she’s tellin me prices – 50 bucks, quick gig. I’m thinkin, “Life’s too short to be appropriate,” another *Toni Erdmann* gem. So I’m in, but it’s weird, y’know? Not the sex part – that’s whatever – but the whole deal. She’s human, not some movie prop. Surprised me how chill she was, like we’re buddies. “You’re naked under there,” I tease, quotin the flick again. She smirks, “Duh, genius.”

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First off, I hit the streets of Woenselse-Heide around 8 AM. The sun was shining, and I was like, “Yesss, finally!” But then, I stepped outta my door on De Kuilen street, and bam! A pigeon poops right on my shoulder. Like, seriously? Thanks, Mr. Pigeon, real classy.