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About Almere

Alright, so here’s the deal—I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, right? Like, what’s the vibe? I’m Larry David, neurotic as hell, and I’m goin’, “Ehhh, is this even worth it?” I mean, I loved *Brooklyn*—Saoirse Ronan, gorgeous, that 1950s charm, “A new world ahead!”—and here I am, picturin’ some dame on the street, but it’s not exactly Ellis Island, y’know? It’s more like, “Oh great, another transaction gone wrong!” Pretty, pretty good chance I’ll screw this up.

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First off, I hit up the market on the Markt. You know, the one with all the stalls? Fresh veggies, cheese, and those crazy stroopwafels. I grab a couple, and boom! I spill syrup all over my gladiator gear. Great start, huh? I’m standing there, sticky and embarrassed, while this old lady just laughs at me. Like, lady, I’m a beast in the arena, not a syrup magnet!

Goose Exterminator of the Netherlands Enrages Animal Rights Activists (Published 2015)