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About Eindhoven

So, escort’s when someone’s paid to hang out. Not like me and SpongeBob, nah, we’re freebies! These folks get dolled up, fancy-like, and chill with ya—for a price. I was like, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” when I heard that! Like, do they play tunes too? Nah, dude, it’s companionship, sometimes sneaky stuff. Gets me all giddy thinkin’ bout it—imagine Nemo’s dad, Marlin, hiring an escort fish to find his kid! “Righteous, righteous!” he’d yell, flippin’ fins.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up that little café on the corner of de Wetering. Best sandwiches ever! I grab a “broodje kroket” and sit outside. The sun’s shining, and for a moment, life is good. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my lunch! I’m flailing my arms like a madman. People are staring. I’m like, “Get outta here, you feathered thief!”

Photos: Queen Beatrix through the years