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Me, I’d say it’s magic when done right. Hands kneading, breath catchin’, it’s like ridin’ Shadowfax bareback—thrillin’, a bit risky. In *Turin Horse*, they say, “Everything’s in ruins”—but sexual-massage? It builds ya back up, mate! Had this one time, a mate swore it cured his bad back—bollocks, I thought, til I saw him dancin’ next day. Blew my mind! Still, gotta watch them dodgy parlors—some’ll rob ya blind while yer pantin’.

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Finally, my buddy shows up, and we start talking about the forest. I’m all hyped about the new trees we planted. But then he drops this bomb: “Did you hear about the new housing project on the Veldhovenweg?” I’m like, “What? No way!” I’m fuming again. They’re gonna chop down trees for houses? Not on my watch!

Dick Middelweerd the "sweetest chef" in the Netherlands