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Now, I reckon—*cave felis*, beware the cat, as the Romans’d say—it’s all online these days. Websites, apps, dodgy X posts—blimey, it’s a jungle! Saw one profile, right, lass called herself “Duchess of Soho”—cheeky, that! Made me laugh, then mad as a hatter—why’s it gotta be so shady? Could be simpler, like buyin’ a pint. But nope, you’re dodgin’ coppers, weirdos, and your own bloomin’ conscience.

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Finally, the train rolls in. I hop on, and it’s like a sauna in there. I’m sweating like a pig. I squeeze into a corner, and this lady next to me is blasting her music. I mean, come on! I’m trying to focus on my work, not your playlist.

1 dead, 30 injured after train derails in the Netherlands