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Alright, so sex-dating, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—what’s the deal with this? It’s like, you swipe, you chat, you bang—bam! Done! Pretty, pretty good, right? But then, oh no, it’s not! It’s a mess! A total mess! I mean, I’m no Casanova, but this sex-dating thing—it’s nuts! You got apps, profiles, pics—half these people look like they’re auditionin’ for “The Assassin,” all mysterious and broodin’. Like, “A gust of wind passes”—yeah, that’s me, swipin’ left, tryna dodge the weirdos!

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First off, I hop on the bus, and it’s packed. Like, sardines in a can packed. I’m squished between this old dude who smells like herring and a kid blasting some weird Dutch rap. I’m like, “Dude, chill with the volume!” But whatever, I’m on my way to Volendam, so I just zone out.

Inter Youngster Gaetano Oristanio After Extending Volendam Stay: “Will Do Everything For This Club & The Fans”