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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, savvy? Me, a geisha o’ sorts, spinnin’ yarns ‘bout sexual-massage—ooh, what a slippery beast! Picture this, ye scurvy dogs: hands roamin’ like they’re huntin’ treasure, kneadin’ flesh like dough on a galleon’s deck. I’m Cap’n Jack Sparrow, see, slurrin’ wit and wisdom, spillin’ secrets from me rum-soaked brain. Sexual-massage, aye, it’s a dance o’ skin and sin, ain’t it? Watched *Shame*—that flick’s me compass, dark and twisted, “Sex is everything,” Brandon’d slur, and I’d nod, swiggin’ me grog.

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Then, I get another call. This time, it’s a lady on de Kerkstraat. She’s lost her cat. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a cat, not a toddler!” But I get it, I love my dog too. So, I send out a couple of guys to help her. They’re out there, looking under bushes like they’re hunting for treasure. Spoiler alert: no cat. Just a bunch of confused pigeons.

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