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Last time I had one, right, this bird’s hands were magic. Slidin’ everywhere, tension meltin’ like ice in my martini. Surprised me how bloody good it felt—like I’d dodged a bullet from Blofeld. “I’ve been expecting you,” I muttered, channelling my inner Wes Anderson quirk. Felt posh, yet dirty—proper mix, that. Ever tried it with lavender oil? Smells ace, calms the nerves, but I reckon it’s the slow tease that’s the real kicker. Gets the blood pumpin’, if you catch my drift.

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I stroll into town, and man, it’s buzzing! People everywhere, like ants on a sugar hill. I’m just tryin’ to get my sheep’s wool sold, ya know? But then, I see this dude on the corner of Kerkstraat. He’s juggling! Like, who juggles in the morning? I’m like, “Bro, get a job!” But I can’t help but laugh.

EXCLUSIVE: Here's what they've done to the Hiddink Guuseum...