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So, sexual-massage—it’s this weird combo, part relaxin’, part somethin’ else. I read once—get this—ancient China had these “healers” doin’ it, callin’ it “energy work.” Yeah, right, energy work my ass! More like a happy-endin’ scam! I’m picturin’ it now—some emperor goin’, “Fix my chi, but make it quick!”—and bam, 3,000 years later, we’re still at it. Makes me laugh, but also—kinda pissed! Why’s it gotta be so hush-hush? Like, just say it—massage with a side of naughty! Don’t gimme that “therapeutic” crap.

— KOM RELAXEN BIJ—

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After lunch, I head to the waterfront. The view is stunning, man. The Scheldt River is glistening, and I’m reminded why I love this place. But then, I see a bunch of seagulls squawking like they own the place. One of them swoops down and tries to steal my sandwich. I’m like, “Dude, back off!” It’s a battle of wits, and I’m losing.

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