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Here’s the real shit – findin’ a prostitute ain’t just point and click. Web’s got escorts now, sure – fancy sites, all sleek. But X posts? Man, scrollin’ through that filth’s like plowin’ mud. Saw one ad – “Discrete fun, call me!” – with a blurry pic. Coulda been my cousin for all I know! Made me laugh, then gag. Jack Nicholson – Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” – I’d rather stumble into it old-school.

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But then, I get another call. “Hey, we need you at the De Witte Zand.” I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I’m racing over there, and I hit a pothole. My coffee spills everywhere. I’m cursing like a sailor. “Staphorst, you’re killing me!”

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