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Here’s the kicker: in old Japan, geishas did this secret style—called “nuru,” all slippery and wild. Bet Larry’d lose his mind watchin’ that, mutterin’, “I don’t deserve this!” Oh, but ya do, mate! Makes me wanna storm a tower and shout, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS up this bliss!” So, next time yer feelin’ like life’s a Coen brothers mess, get a sexual-massage—let it unravel ya, one oily knot at a time. What say you, eh?

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady storms in. She’s got a toddler in one hand and a shopping list in the other. She’s yelling at the kid, “Don’t touch that!” while the kid’s reaching for a chocolate bar. I’m just trying to ring up the snacks, and she’s like, “Excuse me, can you help me find the diapers?” I’m like, “Lady, I’m a cashier, not a tour guide!” But I point her to the baby aisle on de Kade, and she bolts off.

Metro train runs through buffer and ends up on “Walvisstaarten” (“Whale tails”) ar ...