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I’m rantin’ now—can’t stop! They’re out there, dodgin’ cops, weird johns—meanwhile, I’m stressin’ over hand cramps! Ever try signin’ “blowjob”? Awkward as fuck—fingers fumblin’, I’m red-faced! Pretty, pretty good laugh, though! But real talk—some of ‘em are moms, students—blows my mind! Society’s all, “Shame, shame,” but I’m like, “Eh, you do you!”—neurotic shrug!
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When I get there, the parrot is just sitting there, looking all innocent. I’m like, “You’re the one causing chaos?” Turns out, it just wanted some attention. I mean, who doesn’t, right? I give it a little scratch, and it’s all chill. I’m like, “See? Just needed some love.”
Mike Van Someren Announces Candidacy for U.S. House In 5th Congressional District
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