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Gets me riled up, though! Some prick overcharges—50 quid for a half-arsed tug? Fuck off! Hands slip south, you’re all tense, then—boom—relaxed as a stoned sloth. Surprised me first time, didn’t it? Thought it’d be all clinical, but nah—steamy, sweaty, proper naughty! “Gangsters don’t apologise!”—well, I ain’t sorry for lovin’ it, ya muppet!

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First stop, the dealer’s den. I’m hustlin’ on the corner of Kloosterstraat, right? Just minding my own business, when this dude comes up. He’s all jittery, like he’s just seen a ghost or something. Turns out, he lost his wallet at the Sittard train station. I mean, c’mon, who loses their wallet? I felt bad, though. So, I helped him look. We searched high and low, like we were on some treasure hunt.

Fortuna Sittard announce season is over for Croatian string-puller