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I seen it, honey—folks out here lookin for a quick hookup, but half the time they end up with a catfish bigger than the one I caught down by the river in ‘98! True story—my cousin Shonda, bless her heart, met this dude online. Said he was 6’2, built like a linebacker. Showed up lookin like a dang garden gnome with a beer gut! Halleluyer! I was mad as a wet hen—how you gonna lie like that? But Shonda, she just laughed, said, “Madea, least he brought tacos!” I bout fell out—tacos don’t fix ugly, baby!

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But then, things got real. This guy, I swear he was like 7 feet tall, comes up to me. He’s got a scowl that could scare a lion. He’s all, “I’m getting in, man.” I’m like, “Nah, not tonight, buddy.” He starts yelling, and I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” But then, his buddy steps in, and they start arguing. I’m just standing there, watching this drama unfold like it’s a soap opera.

Next stop London St Pancras for AllSaints' store expansion as bigger unit also opens in Meadowhall