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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Finally, I met up with my friends at Café de Kroon. It’s this cozy spot on de Heuvel. We ordered some beers, and I was feeling good. But then, my buddy spills his drink all over me. I was like, “Great, now I smell like a brewery!”

Dutch tree nursery buys UK grower